Never Look Desperate by Rachel Matthews

Author:Rachel Matthews
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Transit Lounge
Published: 2023-05-19T00:00:00+00:00

He stepped out onto Victoria Street feeling relaxed. He got into his old second-hand Audi and sat for a moment, streetlights shining across the windscreen.

He checked the time: 9.35 p.m.

He pressed Minh’s number and waited.

She didn’t answer, but he listened to her message.

‘Okay, I have officially become a stalker,’ he said when the recording started. ‘I’d just really like to see you.’

As he drove home, the heavy feeling started rising again inside him. He switched on his music playlist and turned up George Thorogood, but it made him feel worse. He put on Blondie and imagined dancing with an ’80s Debbie Harry. But nothing changed. It was just another night when he didn’t feel much at all.

His phone beeped. He pulled over to the kerb and, with trembling fingers, unlocked the screen.

It was a text from his mother. I think you and I should go to counselling, it said. You can talk about your resentment.

He opened the link she’d attached: a workshop, in the outer suburb of Greensborough called ‘Primal Tigers, a safe space for men’. Bernard viewed a clip of a class with men lying on the floor, rolling from side to side and making loud, deep sounds. Their white eyes and intense expressions were frightening.

What is this SHIT? he typed.

She sent a swift reply. Men getting in touch with themselves.

Bernard sent a frowning face.

He started the car and drove down the empty tram tracks. A few junkies sat in the entrances to closed restaurants, pale faces tucked beneath hoodies.

His phone rang. At the traffic lights, he glanced down to see the number.

Minh had called but hung up before he could get to it. He sent a few quick texts, some misspelt. Blood thumped through his body.

He put his foot on the accelerator. He had to see her. He could think of nothing else.

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